#2 The Moment That Changed Everything
I can trace everything back to one single moment… and it wasn’t what I expected.
There are moments in life that completely alter our course. For me, this moment came with the devastating loss of my sister. It was a turning point—one that shifted everything I thought I knew. Looking back, I can now trace everything back to that moment, realising how it set me on the path that eventually led me to where I am today.
In this blog, I share the story of how my sister’s death changed my life, and not just in the way you think it did. On reflection, the grief journey became the pandora's box and took me into the deepest and darkest places I have ever been in my life.
It wasn't an overnight journey either, I hoped that the 'stages of grief' would hurry up so I could get through them but that's not how it worked. The pain I went though to reach the other side was nearly a 15 year journey because it changed from being a grief journey to the dark night of the soul to a path of self discovery and finding myself.
A Family Story: The Roots of My Journey
To understand the depth of my transformation, I have to take you back to my roots. I grew up in a migrant Indian family—five siblings, four girls and one boy. Growing up as the third daughter in a traditional Indian family wasn’t always easy. In a culture that valued male heirs, being one of the four daughters, I was a burden and was told repeatedly growing up "the whole street cried when you were born". Again reinforcing how much of a burden I was already.
When my brother was born shortly after me, it was as if a weight was lifted off my parents’ shoulders. This isn’t an uncommon story for many women from similar cultural backgrounds, but it shaped my identity in ways I didn’t understand at the time. Growing up, I felt invisible and undervalued. The emotional toll of being treated as second-rate—of constantly feeling like I didn’t matter—became a part of my emotional blueprint.
Have you ever felt like you weren’t valued or seen? How did it shape who you are today?
The Hardship of Childhood: Abuse, Violence, and Isolation
My childhood wasn’t easy. I grew up in an environment marked by sexual abuse, violence, and emotional manipulation. My narcissistic father was the master controller and successfully manipulated my mother who was always angry, resentful and bitter.
Not being allowed to form friendships at school, or have a life outside of school that other children were allowed to do took its toll on me as I grew up, along with living in constant fear from my parents was not conducive for a healthy loving environment.
It was normal to be beaten for smiling on the school photos, getting a grade C in a test, or being 5 minutes late home after I'd run all the way.
The relationships around me were dysfunctional, people knew my father was odd and that my parents were strict but they didn't know what was going on behind closed doors because they presented a holier than thou facade. My world was small, controlled, and filled with fear and emotional pain.
Despite the hardships, we did what we could to help each other —my siblings, particularly my older sister Promila. She would always be whispering in my ear about things she'd seen and told me 'to be careful of dad'.
But that support wasn’t always enough to protect me from the wounds that were left. And as time passed, I realised that I had been living a life of survival, not living with the love, safety and connection children needed to thrive, this was about survival.
How did your childhood experiences shape your adult relationships? Are there patterns that you still see in your life today?
The Shocking Loss: A Moment of Irreparable Change
Everything changed when I got the phone call. I couldn’t process it immediately, from getting the phone call to say she'd been in a car accident to her passing was 7 days of a new nightmare. The thought of losing her—someone who had always been there for me, someone who I had such a deep bond with—was beyond anything I could understand at the time. I travelled to the UK to be with her not knowing what I was walking into.
Seeing her in ICU, I realised she was not going to survive this. My brain couldn't process a life without her and it shattered my entire world. We were more than sisters-we were soul sisters. It was an intuitive relationship and we had always stood by each other.
The way we had always spoken to each other, the way she had looked out for me, was something I never expected to lose. I was forced to face the reality that life as I knew it was never going to be the same again. My grief didn’t just feel like the loss of her—it was the loss of the person I was too.
Have you ever experienced a loss that changed everything for you? How did you begin to process that change?
Facing the Darkness: Navigating Grief and the Unknown
When someone close to you passes away, the grief doesn’t just end with the funeral. It lingers, it challenges, and it forces you to look inward. I remember the sleepless nights, the tears, the confusion. I found myself questioning everything—my identity, my path, and my place in the world. I was devastated, yes, but that devastation led me to question deeper truths about my life. Where did she go? What was all this for?
Grief forces you to confront the darkest parts of yourself, but it also has the power to ignite transformation.
For me, the grief was a catalyst for change—it showed me how much my childhood trauma had shaped me as an adult. For years, I had known there were parts of me that were angry, lost, reactive and in survival and I had no idea where to start to heal this part of me.
What truths have you avoided, and how has grief or hardship helped you confront them?
The Awakening: Finding My Calling
After her death, the pain broke me and opened something in me. I spiralled as I delved into my darkness, I was confronted with one question: Who am I without her?
A work colleague recommended I see a Medium and when I eventually had my appointment, it changed the trajectory of my life. She confirmed every moment I had felt my sister near me or when I had a knowing of what do to during the aftermath of chaos that exploded after her death. I was Executor and spent six months fighting with an ex husband, a current partner, a business arrangement and my family.
I had become her protector now, of her final wishes when she died. I fought against everyone who had abandoned and disowned us both: my family. It gave me purpose after her death and I was not going to back down from seeing that everything she wanted when she died actually happened.
From that reading, I started my spiritual development journey and began to understand the role of mediumship in my life. The death of my sister ignited the mediumistic abilities that were in our genealogical line.
It was like a light turned on, and I realised that the death of someone close to me didn’t just take something away—it also opened the door to something far greater than I could ever imagine.
Have you ever experienced an awakening after a traumatic event? How did it shift your perspective on your purpose?
The Gift of Surrender: Letting Go to Embrace the New
The greatest gift from my spiritual awakening was realising, that surrendering to the process was the key to healing. I had to let go of old beliefs, old patterns, and even old identities. Surrendering wasn’t about giving up; it was about allowing the flow of life to carry me where I needed to go.
In hindsight, I can see how my biggest intuitive knowing was to trust Spirit and by doing that I was able to surrender from the onset. I have a saying "Spirit aren't going to screw you over, humans do that".
It gave me strength and hope. I learned to trust the process of life, even when things didn’t make sense. And it was this surrender that led me to embrace my spiritual gifts, take ownership of my healing, and ultimately step into a new chapter of my life.
What can you surrender today to make room for new opportunities and growth?
Transforming Through Loss
Loss is never easy, and it can be one of the most painful experiences we endure. But through loss, we often find the truest versions of ourselves. My sister’s passing broke me, but it also rebuilt me into the person I was always meant to be.
If you’re facing a difficult loss or any other challenge that’s shaking you to your core, know this: You have the power to transform. The breakdown doesn’t define you. It’s the breakthrough that defines who you become.
If you have experienced loss and need to reach please do so. Everyone's journey is unique.
DM me or leave a comment below—I want to hear about a transformative moment in your life and how it changed you. Let’s explore this together.
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With love Sunita
