#3 The Hardest Lesson I Learned

If I could go back in time and warn myself about one thing, it would be this.

We often hear about the spiritual side of personal transformation—the “ah-ha” moments, the breakthroughs, the lightbulb that goes off. But what people rarely talk about is the struggle that precedes those moments. The breakdown before the breakthrough. It’s the hard work, the uncertainty, the self-doubt, and the sacrifice that no one ever tells you about. It’s the pain that fuels your growth, and it’s where the real lessons are learned.

One of the hardest lessons I learned along my journey—and how it shaped who I am today. It’s the lesson about self-trust, self-belief, and stopping the habit of letting others decide who you are.

The Struggle to Believe in Myself

For years, I couldn’t trust myself. I had very little self-belief. I constantly sought external validation to confirm that I was on the right track. I was always asking others if I was doing the right thing, if I was good enough, if my decisions were correct. And let me tell you, that’s a dangerous place to be. 

I literally didn't know how to make a decision and would constantly call friends-at least three! I remember after talking to them I still wasn't really sure what the right step was. 

When you don’t trust yourself, you hand over your power to others. You let them dictate your worth, your decisions, and your actions. You start to lose yourself in the process. You become dependent on others to tell you who you are, instead of trusting your own inner compass. And this is something I see time and time again when I work with my clients—they’re so focused on what others think, that they forget to listen to themselves.

Have you ever let someone else’s opinion dictate your decisions? How did it affect your life?

The Danger of External Validation: How I Lost Myself

I didn’t realise how much I was relying on others until I had the courage to look inside and ask myself why I kept asking others when I knew intuitively what the right decision was. And then I found my answer...I was too afraid to make a decision.

You see as a child, growing up in an abusive environment with a narcissistic father, I was ALWAYS second guessing myself and what to do. My child survival brain would weigh up every step and every scenario: what if I did this, what would be the outcome. I was still doing this as an adult.

I spent so much time looking for reassurance from friends, family, and colleagues, constantly wondering if I was doing the right thing, But no matter how many people I asked,I always felt about 'ick' like I had given myself away because I didn't trust myself to make the right decision for me. It was depleting, exhausting and I always felt as though I'd abandoned myself.

I unconsciously felt afraid to step up, fly and spread my wings. 

What parts of yourself have you been ignoring or doubting?

What would happen if you trusted yourself more?

The Turning Point: Realising the Power of Self-Belief

It wasn’t until I realised this truth: I had to stop letting others define me. And it wasn't just any old others, it was men. And yes that was my Father Wound.

The turning point came when I stopped looking outside for approval and started looking inward. I had to get real with myself. I had to admit that I wasn’t living authentically, and the only way to break free was to trust myself and believe in my own worth.

I also realised I was attracting relationships with narcissists who fuelled my self doubt and inability to show up for myself. Realising this the hard way is where the real work starts. You either fuel it or fight it and I was over it.

When I realised what was happening, I started to build boundaries. 

The more I began to trust myself, the more I could stand firm in my decisions, and the more aligned I felt with my true purpose. No longer did I need anyone else to tell me what I was capable of. I had the power to decide that for myself.

What would your life look like if you stopped seeking validation from others and started trusting yourself more?

The Power of Self-Trust: How It Changed Everything

The process of learning to trust myself was not easy. It required me to let go of my old programming—the conditioning that told me I had to seek approval from others in order to feel worthy. It was about letting go of the fear of rejection, the fear of judgment, and the fear of being “wrong.”

And guess what? The moment I did that, everything shifted. My life, my work, and my relationships all became more aligned. I started making decisions that felt right for me, not what others thought was right for me. And best of all I could see what the pay offs were in my relationships and I was able to start cleaning up my friends list.

Self-trust became the foundation of everything I built. When you trust yourself, you stop second-guessing every decision. You stop fearing the unknown. You move forward with clarity and confidence. And most of all your connection with Spirit, the Divine, God, whatever your word is for it is, also grows.

What would it feel like to have unwavering self-trust? How would your life be different?

The Dark Side of Transformation: The Unseen Struggles

Here’s the thing no one tells you: healing isn’t linear. It’s messy. It’s filled with setbacks, challenges, and moments of doubt. There are times when you’ll fall back into old habits and patterns. There are times when you’ll question whether you’re on the right path.

But the key to making it through is awareness and acceptance. You have to accept that growth isn’t always smooth. You will stumble. You will make mistakes. But the important part is getting up, again and again, and continuing to move forward.

The more you trust yourself and the process, the easier it becomes to embrace the messiness of transformation. And eventually, you’ll find that the struggles were the very things that shaped you into the person you are meant to be.

Have you ever doubted your own progress? How did you find the courage to keep going?

Living with Confidence

So here’s what I want you to do today: Stop letting others decide who you are. It’s time to trust yourself—your intuition, your desires, your truth. When you learn to trust yourself, everything else starts to fall into place.

But remember, this doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, patience, and practice. Every time you make a decision that feels aligned with your true self, you’re strengthening that muscle of self-belief. Keep using it, and soon, it will become second nature.

And here’s a reminder: You are enough. You have everything you need inside of you. You just have to believe it.

Stay in touch

If you enjoyed this, please let me know! I would love to hear from you and your journey. You can DM on @thecorporatemedium